Monday, March 28, 2011

And the cheese stands alone.......

IUI #5 is a fail. By Saturday I knew it hadn't worked as my "symptoms" were slowly going away, being replaced with the familiar signs of failure. AND this Lovely Morning she came with avengence to greet me. I am so tired of failure. There is nothing more that we could've done. I mean, my God, I even had fertile mucous people!!

What is the matter with my eggs? Why won't they fertilize? It's like I'm shooting blanks or something. I have altered my lifestyle so much to accommodate a "maybe baby" and it still hasn't worked. No pop, no alcohol, no smoking, no non-organic meat and dairy, no caffeine. I go to Yoga weekly. I exercise on a regular basis. I follow the doctor's orders. I inject myself for 10 days out of the month. I pay $3 to park 2-3 times a week to have a vaginal ultrasound done and bloodwork. I look like a junkie by mid month and it has all been for nothing. Not even an inkling of hope that my body might listen to all the drugs I'm putting into it and help me out by implanting a nice little embryo.

Cycle Day 1's are the worst. 41 failed cycles. I think I'm going to take April off of treatment. I think I might need to be Sarah for a few weeks before going back to Sarah the "infertile".

4 comments:

Faith said...

Oh hun, I am so so so sorry! I HATE CD 1's. And having them after IUIs was always the worst for me - it's like you do EVERYthing in your power to make it EASY to get pg and your damn body won't cooperate. It feels hopeless that it will ever happen if it doesn't happen when you orchestrate every little thing. I could tell you that it DOES happen, that I am living proof....but something tells me you are in no mood for success stories at the moment. So just know that you are being thought of with love....((((HUGS))))

Holly said...

:o( Femara round 1 was a fail for me too. There goes another month.

do_it_ajen said...

:( Love you! HUG HUG HUG!

Jules said...

Sarah, I am so sorry. Let me know when you want to get togehter while I'm home and I will bring the Lambic. I know how hard this is and I too wonder what is wrong with my eggs. My husband brings a 140 million 90% motility sperm count every IUI and I can't manage to get that together with my eggs and make a dang baby. I even asked the RNP at my fertility clinics office if it was all my doing. She said yes and then realiezed what she said. I'm looking into the clinic Faith has told me about just haven't had the courage to jump into the appointments again. I also look like a junkie. My track marks are permanent. I've had friends comment on them. It's awesome. After 7 years of trying to conceive combined with 4 years of fertlity treatments I feel defeated. Especially when everyone I know has kids, just had a baby or is pregnant. No joke. (And this does not include you Faith. Because you give me hope!) Just hold on because the reward at the end will be so worth and it will happen.