IUI #5 is a fail. By Saturday I knew it hadn't worked as my "symptoms" were slowly going away, being replaced with the familiar signs of failure. AND this Lovely Morning she came with avengence to greet me. I am so tired of failure. There is nothing more that we could've done. I mean, my God, I even had fertile mucous people!!
What is the matter with my eggs? Why won't they fertilize? It's like I'm shooting blanks or something. I have altered my lifestyle so much to accommodate a "maybe baby" and it still hasn't worked. No pop, no alcohol, no smoking, no non-organic meat and dairy, no caffeine. I go to Yoga weekly. I exercise on a regular basis. I follow the doctor's orders. I inject myself for 10 days out of the month. I pay $3 to park 2-3 times a week to have a vaginal ultrasound done and bloodwork. I look like a junkie by mid month and it has all been for nothing. Not even an inkling of hope that my body might listen to all the drugs I'm putting into it and help me out by implanting a nice little embryo.
Cycle Day 1's are the worst. 41 failed cycles. I think I'm going to take April off of treatment. I think I might need to be Sarah for a few weeks before going back to Sarah the "infertile".