Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Stagnant

How many synonyms are there for feeling like I'm at a stand still?

Stagnant was the first that came to mind.
There's also:

Freeze
Grind to a Halt
Mire
Pause
Stop Dead

I'm on my second week of birth control and I just want to get this show on the road already. I think I'll stop taking them a half a week ahead of time so I can get my medicine done before I fly to Virginia. Problem being I need to time it so the IUI is either before or after I get back. If I can. I hate having my life revolve around something so uncontrollable. But not being in progress of anything is awful too. I even posted a question on my babycenter.com board and no one even acknowledged it. It's like they only want to hear if something is going on, not if you have nothing. None of my close friends seem to understand (probably because none of them had a problem getting pregnant) and when they ask and I answer, their eyes gloss over like they only asked to be polite and I should give them the shortened response. Which, ashamedly, I have been doing. Trust me almost 3 years of TTC, I'm bored of talking about it too!

Know whats funny? Feeling like you have little in common with people you call best friends. Feeling awkward like I'm in junior high again because I don't know the latest things going on. For example I go to Monday night girl's night to watch Bachelorette (which I'm not even into I just want to be part of "girls night", 1st reason I feel awkward)

2. I mention "Hey I'm reading this really great book"
I'm humored for 5 minutes about reading and how they don't have time to read,
which then turns into a conversation about them being so busy because
of the kids and work. Which then turns into a "Do you know what she/he said
today?" followed by a "Oh, I know my she/he said that at his/her age too!" Which
is then followed by stories for a half hour about how flippin' cute/gross/
funny/smart their kids are. Which then I'm left out of and have to use my
defensive humor and mention something my dog does. (Is this jealousy on my part?
or are my friends just being normal and I'm being sensitive? Probably)

3. Knowing nothing about the girl or the guys on Bachelorette, so my dorky ass reads
up on it so I can talk about that with them. Then I get a look like I'm a dork
because now I know too much.

Ugh, maybe I'm just feeling sensitive today or a little empty. Who knows. I'm looking forward to going to the Monroe County fair on Thursday. Going to see my first tractor pull (YEE HAW! lol, yeah right!) and Steve of course loves seeing the prized animals (God only knows why!) Then we'll share a funnel cake and it'll be a great night!

2 comments:

womb for improvement said...

I'm stagnating here too. It is frustrating beyond belief, but hopefully we'll be revved up and ready to go soon.

(Oh and regarding pregnant friends I am about to go on holiday for a week with my five best friends. We've been best mates since we were 11. One has 3 children, one has 2 and pregnant with her 3rd, one has 2 and the other two, plus me, are infertile. I wonder if we will fall into two distinct camps on holiday).

rsjablonski said...

I will discuss books with you anytime sister! Plus I don't watch bachelorette/bachelor either. Plus I just plain love you! Have you read this blog? http://www.natthefatrat.com I have been reading her for a while now. She struggled with infertility also and is now expecting. Also she cracks me up. Maybe you should read back entries first. :)xo