What to say...

I have delayed posting because of all the things that have happened over the last few weeks I just didn't think I could bring myself to actually write it all down. First and foremost the man that helped raise me the last 17 years of my life passed away, my stepdad John. There are no words at the grief me and my family have felt and are still dealing with everyday. I am thankful to all the kinds words and cards that were sent our way. There are several memories I could share about just how kind John was, but it still hurts too much. The same day he passed away I received a phone call from Lansing telling me that I got the job for the State of Michigan. What a roller coaster of a day! This is awesome news though, and I start my new job on December 14th, looking forward to actually having benefits. This means that we won't have to take such a big break from TTC after all!

I went to my RE on the 11th for a follicle check and low and behold (even though I messed up the Femara) I had a follicle on my right ovary that measured 25mm! femara is awesome! So I triggered and we did our "thing." I went in for bloodwork last thursday and tests confirm that I in fact did ovulate AGAIN (prog level 14.3)! Twice in a row! So today is 11dpo and we're just waiting to see if Aunt Flow comes or if this cycle worked. I'm a little pessemistic about this month because I messed up some of the drugs and all the stress from the funeral. Last month we did everything perfect and I was sure that cycle was it. So now I'm not wasting money on pee sticks and I'll just wait for my blood-draw on Friday, unless of course AF shows up. If it does come I will be having a nice glass of wine by my warm fireplace. It will be lovely. I'm trying not to be my hopes up and outwardly they're not (but inside they are~)

In school news I've completed all my papers and I'm just coasting through the next few weeks. I will officially be done with my program December 12th...and graduate in March after I finish the 3 electives I need.

In other family news. Steve's stepsister Aleisha gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last Thursday on 11-19-09. She is 6lbs 10oz and her name is Jocelyn Dawn...I went to see them at the hospital and she is beautiful.

Infertility Etiquette...

Now that we've crossed that invisible line to being treated as an infertile couple, and have for the last year been using fertility drugs I find myself becoming more sensitive to people's responses/reactions. If you inquire be prepared for my honest answer. Number 1 on the list below is the wrong response to my answer to your question. I understand that many people do not know certain aspects about infertility or the direction you must take to succeed/move on. This is why I have saturated my brain with information on all aspects of my particular condition and have joined online groups to find more information (success stories!)

BUT there is something that I feel the need to pass on from an article I read recently.

My favorites include:

* Don't offer unsolicited advice, ie. "relax", "adopt, you'll get pregnant", etc.

* Don't push adoption early on.

* Don't complain about your pregnancy. And if you are pregnant, don't gloat over it too much around us.

* Don't be crude

* Don't minimize the problem

* Just be there for them. Offer a shoulder to lean on, a tissue, etc.

I'm not the only one going through this, and chances are there is more than one woman you know dealing with this right now (especially if you are in my age demographic). Some women choose not to openly speak about their struggles with infertility and that is their right. I would just like some people, to know, that just knowing could change what you might say to someone. On the other hand please don't exclude us because of this. We know you don't know what else to say, and we appreciate your concern, just rethink your response or don't say anything at all. HUGS are always welcome. Thank you.

On to November....

Well my blood test results came back in on Wednesday as a big fat negative. I wasn't shocked. I try to stay positive, but on the inside I'm pessimistic about the whole thing. On the deeper inside I think I get my hopes up too much because I was sincerely depressed that it was negative, and then my AF didn't show up for the next couple of days getting my hopes up all over again, just to dash them in the mud again Saturday morning. So to make myself feel better while shopping for Allie's baby shower gift, I also bought myself a sweater. A beautiful green sweater. My wonderfully sweet husband also bought me an orchid plant. So I'll brush my hopes of October under the rug and move on to November. We only have our discounted COBRA until December, so afterwards we are taking a break. Benefits are essential since I go for ultrasounds weekly for this process. I really hate to take a break, but really its not great timing anyway. So here's reasons to take a break in 2010 to help me feel better:

1. Insurance is no longer
2. Not financially stable due to Steve being laid off now for almost a year
3. Last semester of school!
4. 30th Birthday party
5. New Year's champaigne

Also Christmas this year is going to be tough. We are broke. We are struggling to keep up. Our savings is a thing of the past and its all due to this depression. Steve applies for jobs daily and there is nothing out there. We are seriously considering leaving the state after I graduate. I love my house, but it might be necessary to give it up for us to move forward.

School is crazy. I'm drowning. Steve is doing well in his classes. He has a meeting with his dean today to go over applying to the program he wants to get in. I'm hoping it goes really well. It could be an answer to some of our prayers.