Saturday, July 16, 2011


I went for my beta this morning and started spotting as soon as I got home. It was of course negative. Seeing the hearbreak on Steve's face was the worst thing ever. I can't help but feel at fault and I can't fix it. I feel utterly helpless. He is the best man I know. I want so much for us to have a family and this helplessness is crippling. Especially on days like today.

I am taking this next cycle off and going on an alcohol filled girls weekend in Irish Hills. I need to recoup. Scratch that WE need to recoup.

I think this is the first time in a long time I've seen him not be strong for me and just hold me and be as sad as I am. Lots of tears today. Tomorrow is a new day.


Faith said...

Oh, Sarah, I am so, so sorry. Damn it, this really sucks. I was SO hoping this was YOUR month. YOUR month IS coming...just wish we could know when!

You are NOT at fault - and I guarantee you Steve does not feel that way. I felt guilty, too, during our years of infertility. Now that we are past it, Jason talks more openly - and he never ONCE felt it was my fault or blamed me. You are in this together...and you will be in it together when you are in the midst of parenting, too!

Take care of yourself, hun....

Jules said...

I'm so sorry Sarah.

Pril said...

DAMN IT. Wish i could say something to make you feel better. I can't even fathom how you must feel right now... i'm sorry..