I went for my beta this morning and started spotting as soon as I got home. It was of course negative. Seeing the hearbreak on Steve's face was the worst thing ever. I can't help but feel at fault and I can't fix it. I feel utterly helpless. He is the best man I know. I want so much for us to have a family and this helplessness is crippling. Especially on days like today.
I am taking this next cycle off and going on an alcohol filled girls weekend in Irish Hills. I need to recoup. Scratch that WE need to recoup.
I think this is the first time in a long time I've seen him not be strong for me and just hold me and be as sad as I am. Lots of tears today. Tomorrow is a new day.