Another failed cycle, another month of dashed dreams and hopes. Somedays I really hate my body. I'm taking a break this holiday season. I'm just frustrated and depressed my body won't do what it's supposed to do. After all those wonderful numbers and ultrasounds to be met with AF like clockwork on CD29 just...for lack of a better word SUCKS.
I really wish I knew which step isn't happening in the process to get this to work! I follow the doctor's orders. I inject myself routinely with medication that burns like acid. I take pills that give me hotflashes and headaches. I wake up at 5am twice a week to go to the doctor's to get poked and prodded. And all for what? Nothing, so far. Nothing to hold in my empty arms. Nothing to soothe and cradle and love with all our heart. Nothing to compare and say "oh, you have my eyes" or "oh, you have your daddy's nose"
Time to start saving for IVF....I'll put my $3 in change in a bucket today...Only $6,997 to go...
Ack, I'm feeling scroogie and grinchie today. I'll feel better tomorrow..I hope.