When you begin the journey of deciding to have a baby most people feel excited and hopeful. They probably think it won't take more than a couple months of trying, for success. When they make a quick trip to Target and see some really cute baby clothes on sale they buy them thinking soon they'll have a little person to put them on.
My journey started out absolutely nothing like that. I knew early on that there might be an issue with having a baby. I was put in the hospital when I was 16 for having female issues and then they were controlled with birth control pills for the next 11ish years (on & off). My obgyn told me when it was time to start having children I'd probably need a pill to "get me going" but that would be all. Well fast-foward to today and I think it's safe to say that a "little pill" hasn't done the trick yet. Doctor's aren't perfect and I'm surely not saying it was Dr. S's fault in anyway. It's just a feeling of loss I feel today. The feeling of normalcy which doesn't exist. I can't be the normal woman who feels the hope of making love to my husband and there being a baby on the way 2 weeks later. My mother would tell you I have never been "normal." I am the march-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drum kind of person. If there were directions on how to accomplish a task, I would do something totally different, but it felt right to me, and I still got the same results.
Well, folks, I'm NOT getting the same results. I have these little glimpses of HOORAY my follicles and bloodwork looked great today. Then I come back to reality 2 days later knowing it was too good to be true. Thinking I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ON TASK! Psh- says my body, how about instead of us growing the follicles we already have, lets not and grow different ones. In other words:
Tuesday- follicle count 3- 13mm(left) 11, 10(right)
Today- follicle count 10ish- 14mm (left) 10-12's (right)
I am staying optimistic. I am saying to myself "More follicles could mean great results with the IUI." I am staying hopeful. I know it will happen someday *and soon*......right?
This so called "process" is becoming more stressful as the YEARs go on and no BFP. I can see it in my attitude, Steve's attitude, my greenie meanie self trying to stay calm towards people at work who have no idea what we're doing and going through to do it. It's also a day to day time gobbler. I have been late to work because of the time it takes to get there and back. They won't open earlier for me, and so I'm forced to look like a bad employee on the days I'm not the first patient there (even though I arrive a half hour BEFORE they open, sometimes there is someone already there waiting) This is not good. Steve gives my current RE til the end of the year and then he says we're switching doctors. I don't blame him. I understand his frustration, BELIEVE ME! I think I might look into a new RE sooner. Too bad there aren't any downriver AT ALL, that I know of...IF I'm wrong PLEASE someone tell me!
sorry, vent over...I have a cold, so I may be a bit cranky.